What I'm thankful for...

Hi friends! Yes I know, I haven’t written in a while!! I’m sorry. I know that you all just sit by your computers refreshing my blog page waiting for my new posts so I’m so sorry to keep you waiting J The last few months have been full of travel and fun! I went to Bocas del Toro in October and stayed on a beautiful island, marched in 5 parades in November for the many independence days Panama celebrates, went to visit my good friend Tess who is in the Peace Corps in Paraguay, and celebrated Thanksgiving with about 150 volunteers in the mountains of Panama. So it’s been busy and fun but also challenging as the last trimester of school means that literally half the days are vacation and barely any teaching and learning gets done. The students and teachers both love this, but for me, it is frustrating to see how much time gets wasted and how much more the kids could learn in the last months of school. Now, I am getting ready for my sister to come in a few days and my parents to come right before Christmas. Since all but about 4 of the volunteers are going home for Christmas, I’m excited to at least be with my family for Christmas even if I’m not going home. So there’s a short update on what’s been happening in Panama. The rest is just ramblings on what I’ve been thinking about recently. If you were just looking for a little Sydney update, you can stop reading now, but if you want a little peak into the crazy mind of Sydney feel free to keep reading…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the basic things I take for granted in the States and what I don’t have here. Not that I am lacking in anything because I feel perfectly content here, but just the difference between basic needs in the U.S. and in Panama. I think this is one of the big problems I had in the States. My idea of basic needs was way bigger and more complete than here and that complicates life. For example, a washing machine, dryer, internet, and a car always seemed like necessities for me in the U.S. Here, I don’t have any of those and I’m getting along just fine. Without these things it may take me more time to do laundry, get somewhere, or find out information I need, but that’s the beauty in it. No instant gratification. I have more time because my life isn’t so cluttered. I enjoy taking the time to hand wash and line dry my clothes, walk everywhere, and have to go to another town to use the internet. It makes me feel more connected to other people and accomplished after finishing my laundry or walking really far to get to someone’s house to visit. I get joy out of the little things and I am content. Spending a day walking around visiting neighbors or doing laundry and cooking is a day filled with accomplishments. My idea of what a productive day looks like has changed and become less complicated.

There are a few basic things for which I am very grateful in the U.S. though. For example, most days for most or part of the day, my water goes out. That means that washing clothes, cooking, showering, cleaning and most basic things have to be put off. I always have a full tank of water for when this happens, but it’s amazing how quickly one tank of water can be used; and I’m just one person. I can’t imagine a big family of 8-10 trying to do everything with one small tank of water. I don’t think I have ever really experienced a lack of water, which is a crazy statement considering most of the world lives daily with this problem. Every morning the first thing I do when I get up is check to see if I have running water. When I do, I thank God for that water. What a difference from how I used to thank God for a nice apartment, but didn’t even realize that I should be thanking God for the running water. It’s just something we usually don’t think about. You turn the faucet and water will come out right? What perfect timing too. As I’m writing this, the water just came back on. How perfect! I’m literally smiling. It’s been out since last night. Let’s be honest I haven’t showered in a while and I sweat A LOT here, so now I’m happy. And content. It’s amazing the little things that make me happy now. And after I shower I will feel accomplished. My mentality has totally changed and I’m ok with that. Who knows what will happen when I got home, but for now I am home and happy and grateful for the things I have. The motto of Peace Corps is “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” I think part of why it is tough is that we have to learn to be ok with living in a radically different way than we’re used to in the U.S. And it may be tough (sometimes really tough) but I could not imagine doing any other job right now and I sure love it!

Thoughts and happenings

**Warning: This post is going to be profound and wise due to the fact that I have gone from 23 years old to 24 years old since the last post. Oh and it's long.** Turning 24 was so fun! It started with a friend from my Peace Corps group surprising me at school on the 23^rd. He lives all the way up in Bocas del Toro, which is 12 hours away by bus so it was sweet of him to come down (and he brought me a huge bunch of like 50 bananas from his house!). We had a lot of fun building a shower at my house, doing crosswords, and talking with my neighbors. Then Saturday, my friend Kim came and the three of us, after teaching an energetic English class in my community in the morning (including acting out a story), went to Panama City to pick up three of my best friends who came in from the States to celebrate. What a big gift! Sarah came in Saturday night and so Austin, Kim, another friend Andrew, Sarah and I celebrated in the hostel. Kim and Andrew even made a cake! Sunday morning, my actual birthday, we went to a creperie for breakfast and I had a crepe with spinach in it, which I miss soooooo much. Then we had a Panama miracle: I told my other two friends, Ali and Lauren, who were flying in from the States to meet us at the bus terminal, which I realized after telling them was a terrible idea. The terminal is huge and literally has thousands of people walking around it in (think Grand Central Station or something). But, by the time I realized what a bad idea this was, it was too late because they were on their way and had no phone or anything. So, we roll up in the bus and just as we are stopping, I see them. I tell Sarah and we take off running. It was a Panama miracle for real! Then, we went to my friend Catherine’s house. I go to her house a lot because she’s my closest volunteer, so her community knows me too. She organized a whole birthday party for me and the community showed up! They made food (including really spicy peppers which they enjoyed watching me eat), we danced, they set off fireworks, and they absolutely loved my gringa friends I brought (I mean who wouldn’t? What entertainment!). The next few days were crazy because I had class every morning and I had to sneak around my tiny house getting ready while my friends slept. It was also English week at school which meant lots of extra fun activities so I was really busy at school! In the afternoons, we went on adventures including a natural hot springs where we covered ourselves with mud (two of my Panamanian coworkers went too, which was so funny!), ziplining, a hike to a waterfall, and the beach. Then, Thursday, because they decided to cancel school (per usual) we went on a long trip to the beach at Las Lajas. Side note: we had another Panama miracle getting a direct bus to Las Lajas in less than a minute; it usually takes me at least a half hour! Anyway, this is an absolutely beautiful beach and even though it’s 4 to 5 hours by bus, I go there whenever possible! We stayed there from Thursday to Saturday when I said a tearful good-bye (oh how the Panamanians stared) to my friends as they headed back to Panama City to leave. I stayed with a group of about 10 Peace Corps friends at the beach until Sunday to celebrate my birthday and had a great time! This past week, I also had my second week off of school, so I was able to go visit a few of my friends’ at their new houses. We had a lot of fun just catching up and I got to help build fogónes (mud stoves), pasear, and help with a fundraiser. Then, on Wednesday I had a meeting with other volunteers in Panama, and Austin came down from Bocas for the rest of the week. We just paseared, did crosswords, cooked, and went to the beach; a very relaxing break. So now, I’m reenergized and ready to start on the home stretch of school (which ends in December and doesn’t start again until end of February).

With a new trimester, I’m also starting a new chapter in teaching. My co-teacher who I work with every other week and also is one of my best friends in the community, is leaving for 5 weeks to do her practica (student teaching) to be licensed to teach 7-9^th grade. So, every other week, I will be teaching alone until she comes back. She said I don’t have to, but I feel that I am here and am willing and able to do it. Why should these kids be punished because their teacher can’t come for 5 weeks? Also, if you’re saying “Why don’t they have a substitute teacher come?” Well, if Panama had substitute teachers that would work really well wouldn’t it? But, they don’t. Anyway, I’m looking forward to another challenge and if I don’t run out crying every day, I will call it a success and celebrate. I’ll let you know… Another thing, my latest excitement in teaching has been reading stories to the class. First I pre-teach the necessary vocab., then I read the story in English while acting it out, asks critical thinking/tracking questions, and then we summarize it. The kids absolutely LOVE it and get really excited when we finish and I remind them that they just understood a whole book in English! So, if any of you have very basic English kids picture books and you have been just waiting for me to ask you to send them, this is your chance :) I would love to have any and all books you have. I am currently applying for a grant through Peace Corps to get books shipped here, but that will take a while. So if you would like to, please mail books to:

Sydney Morgan

Cuerpo de Paz, Clayton

Ciudad del Saber

Calle Victor Iglesias, Edificio 240, 4to Piso

Panama City, Panama

Ok now is the part where I’m gonna transition from what I’ve been doing to what I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, so feel free to stop here if you don’t wanna enter the crazy world of Sydney’s head.

I’ve been reading a few books lately that have really made me think. One of them is called Serve God, Save the Planet by J. Matthew Sleeth, MD. My bestie, Sarah, brought it when she came down last month. Although it’s a Christian book, it’s basically a call to all people no matter what religion, to care for and about our planet and the environment. Every time I read this book, it gets me pamped (pumped and amped) and inspired to do more to help our Mother Earth, but then a little dishearted. Yes, I am doing my part in terms of walking everywhere in my town, not using much electricity and water (especially when either or both go out for days on end), and trying not to create a lot of trash. But, is it enough? No matter what I do, I always still have trash. And all trash gets burned here. Even though I don’t burn it myself, any trash I put in other trashcans will be burnt eventually. And recycle? If I meet a Panamanian who can tell me what that means and how to do it, I will let you know. And how can I justify traveling up to 12 hours in bus to visit my Peace Corps friends? That’s a ton of gas! This book had one line that really struck me “what do a hundred, or a million compassionate thoughts accomplish?” This is so true. I find myself so often thinking of how much I would love to do to save our environment, but what do I end up doing? Not too much. But therein lies the dilemma. I can’t save all my trash and recycling for the next year and a half and carry it back to the U.S. to be dealt with in a better way (which is still not always the best). So despite all my lofty thoughts and ideas, I feel rather helpless down here trying to figure out what to do. Am I supposed to try to change the whole country, start a trash collection system, recycling plants, etc.? Unless I change the whole system, I feel like I am just another cog in the gas guzzling and ozone killing machine that is Panama. Any suggestions or thoughts about this would be much appreciated.

Another book I have been reading talks a lot about serving others. This makes me think about what it looks like to serve one another, and what is the line between serving others and being walked all over? As a volunteer, my goal is to give all that I have and am to the people here. To love them, share my life, culture and material things with them, and serve them in whatever ways I can and they need. As a teacher, my goal is to give everything as well but in a different way. To share my love, knowledge, English skills with students, teaching skills with teachers, and help the students and teachers in any other ways. But where does it end? I don’t want the people to feel they can take advantage of my generosity, but I also don’t want to be unapproachable. So what does this look like? I honestly have no idea. I wish I did. Am I really here to serve others at all or just for a glorified adventurous vacation in a beautiful country? Hmm. To get a little religious-y on you, I want to be like Jesus and give myself freely to those around me. Obviously, He sacrificed the biggest thing possible, His life, but I want to be able to give of myself in whatever ways I can. Every time I say no to something or someone here, I feel like I’m not serving others and being selfish. But at the same time, I justify it by saying that I need time for myself. Is this legitimate? I don’t know. In the book I’m reading it says, “Service is less a task or series of tasks than an attitude of obedience.” I also feel that sometimes I do something like teach or help my neighbor with building his house in order to get praise or be recognized, which becomes less about serving and more about an ego boost. I love what St. Teresa of Avila once wrote about the way we should live. “God has no body now on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which he looks with compassion on the world. Yours are the feet with which he is to go about doing good. And yours are the hands with which he is to bless us now.” I just hope that I can actually do and be this way. I guess I have a year and a half to figure it out.

Until next time, thanks for all your love and positivity! I miss and love all of you! Also, if you have facebook, you can check out some of my recent pictures from my friends’ trip here. So much fun!

Sydney

The month of firsts

So this past month has been filled with many firsts.

My first visitor: Technically it wasn’t a visitor from the States, but it was even better. My friend Tess, from Santa Barbara who is currently serving in Peace Corps Paraguay came to visit! It was so great to see her! Since she’s good friends with both me and our other friend Kayla who’s in PC Panama with me, the three of us adventured our way around Panama together. It started with a nice time at the beach during my week-long school break. Then it continued with river rafting up by Kayla’s site. That was crazy fun! I had never been river rafting, but a volunteer doing tourism in PC Panama, started river rafting with the locals in his community. We only had one “man overboard” situations, and that was Tess within the first 30 seconds in the boat before we really hit any rapids. Yes, we made fun of her for the rest of the trip. J Lastly, Tess and Kayla came to my site. They got to go to my school and teach an impromptu and very chaotic class game, meet some members of my community, eat hummus and burritos and make cookies! We shared lots of laughter, good conversations, and a few tears too. Tess is an amazingly strong woman and although she has had some struggles in her experience in Paraguay, I am so proud of all that she is doing there. I know that she is making a difference and although it was tough to see her go back to Paraguay, they are very lucky to have her back.

My first school break: At the beginning of June, we had our first week-long school break. The Panamanian school system has two week-long trimester breaks during the school year. Since we hadn’t seen many other volunteers, a big group of us decided to meet up at a beach that was central to everyone, and conveniently located only 20 minutes from my site. Before the beach, another volunteer came to my site to visit and I had lots of fun showing him my town, school, and friends in town as well as a cool area nearby with lots of hiking and a hot springs. During his visit, there was also a celebration at my school for “el dia de la etnia negra” (basically black history day in Panama). There was lots of food, dancing, and cultural activities, which was fun for both of us to see. Then we all met up at the beach. The whole group stayed at the beach for a total of 5 days playing in the water, camping, catching up and just enjoying being together. I admit it was hard to go back to site after being with everyone at such a beautiful beach.

My first teaching experience: Although I have been in my school for over 4 months, the first three were spent observing the teachers and classroom setting. That way I could figure out the best ways to help the teachers and figure out what we need to work on together as co-teachers. So, this month, I started teaching for real. It has been challenging and fun at the same time. Most of Panamanian teaching involves writing things on the board and having the students copy. Then the students have to memorize what they copied and have a test on it. So, I try to bring in other activities and games to make the classroom more fun and interactive. My biggest challenge is classroom management because the students and classroom setting in Panama is pretty dang chaotic! Also if you have any fun activities or games that you know of for learning English or fun activities in general please let me know! I’m always looking for new ideas.

My first house: This is a big one for me! I officially moved into my house a week or so ago. It’s been exciting to settle in and get to know my new neighbors and area of town. I love the community! The first day that I got here, I already started hanging out with the kids and I’ve had fun playing volleyball, jumping rope and getting to know new people. My landlord is the nicest lady. Her house is right behind mine and she is always bringing me food, and making sure I’m settling in ok. I hang out at her house with her husband, mom, daughter and her daughters 3 kids who also go to my school. They are a wonderful family and have been very welcoming. I feel at home with them around and very safe. Especially because they have a dog that is literally the size of a small pony that likes to hang out in front of my house. He’s super sweet but looks menacing so criminals beware! My “house” is really a one room building. It used to be a kiosko or small store, but my landlord and family converted it into a house for me, which took a lot of work and they did it all out of the goodness of their heart. I have a bed, stove, sink and small piece of furniture. Much of it has been loaned to me by wonderful people in town and I am amazed by peoples’ kindness. Out of the little that they have, they still find a way to give which is amazing to me. Whether it be fruit from their trees, a table from their living room, a ride when I’m walking home from school, or a traditional dish that they cook for me, I never feel short on love. The only downside to my new house is that it’s about a 40 minute walk from school. There are many kids that live by me and go to the school, so in the morning I’m able to get a ride, but in the afternoon, I leave school at weird times so I usually have to walk home. This isn’t a problem for me since I like to walk but when I have to go to school and home a few times a day, it adds up. But I am getting a new nickname out of it: La gringa que camina mucha or La gringa loca que le gusta caminar (the white girl who walks a lot or the the crazy white girl who likes to walk). It also gives me lots of time to think, which can be good and bad. I get lots of ideas for things in the community, but it can also make me think of people and things I miss. But then I get home or to school, depending on which way I’m walking, and am filled with joy and love by the students and community members. So, I am slowly settling in to my new house.

The first time living without a fridge and faraway bathroom: This isn’t as big an adjustment as I thought it would be, but it does make me have to get creative with certain foods. For example, no cheese and I’m using powdered milk, but this is where vegetarianism comes in handy because I have no meat to refrigerate. And my landlord feels badly that I don’t have a fridge, so she gives me cold water sometimes haha. My bathroom is also outside, which isn’t terrible, except when I have to pee in the night, which happens every night between 2 and 3. Then I have to trek out to my bathroom with a flashlight and pray I don’t see snakes. I really don’t think that there is any real threat of seeing a snake, but in my head, they are lurking everywhere! Every bush has one underneath waiting to strike my poor unsuspecting ankle; every stick is a snake stalking its prey: my foot. But other than that, I am very content with my house, just adjusting.

So, this month has been eventful, but wonderful. I am so grateful for the support of other volunteers here because we’re all going through the same adjustments of starting to teach, moving into our houses, and still figuring out Panamanian culture together. Their love, friendship, and listening has helped me a lot. And your support and love for me in the States has helped a lot too. Sorry that I write so infrequently, but having internet every 2 weeks or so makes it hard (excuses, excuses). Besos, abrazos, y sonrisas desde El Higo (kisses, hugs, and smiles from fig town), Sydney

Adventures and other news from the Fig Town

So I hate to brag, but I’m just gonna say it. I live with the coolest family in Panama! They are so wonderful and include me in everything they do. Because of this, I have been lucky to go on different trips with them. I live with a woman named Edixa (pretty much my Panamanian mom in El Higo) and on the weekends her daughter Erika, son Javier, and Erika’s unido Juan Carlos come to visit. Her kids live and work in Panama City, but they have a car so they drive over to good old H-town every weekend. And they are adventurous, which is so fun! So a few weeks ago I got to go with them to Panama City with another volunteer. We went all over, got to see the locks in the Canal, they gave me a hammock, we went to Casco Viejo, Cinta Costera, the mall, and saw a movie. And they wouldn’t let me pay for another because they said I was their guest. So hospitable! Then a few weeks later, they ask if I had any plans on Saturday, which was obviously no because I’m mostly hanging in El Higo haha. So they said we were going to go to Colon, another province of Panama for the day! We left at 5:30 in the morning and spent the whole day in Colon seeing different forts that the Spanish had built and then going to an island off the coast of Colon. This island is called Isla Grande and it’s in the Caribbean so the water is crystal clear and so warm! We swam around, hiked to a lighthouse on top of the island and just enjoyed the natural beauty of Panama. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family in Panama!

I have also gone on other adventures with friends here. There is a town called El Valle, which is in the mountains (even though it’s called “the Valley” haha) and it’s gorgeous! Another benefit of this place besides its beauty is that it’s usually cooler than my site, like when my site in 95 degrees, El Valle is 65-70. So basically I love it there! My friend Catherine, lives right by there, so I have gone a few times with her. One time, we got to go with my cousin and her class from the university of Chorrera on a field trip. It was so fun to see El Valle, but with a group of Panamanian university students instead of feeling like the tourist I also feel like I am. We went hiking, learned about the history of El Valle and swam in one of the natural pools below a waterfall. Another time, we went to the aguas termales, or hot springs, which was so fun! It’s a natural hot springs where you get to cover yourself in the natural cleansing mud and then swim in the super warm pool. It was so crazy! I’ll try to put up pictures on facebook soon (sorry that I haven’t put up pictures at all yet…I just haven’t had a good internet connection so far!).

So other than random adventures around Panama, life has been normal: get up at 5:30, teach most of the day, say silly things in Spanish, sweat a lot, visit people’s houses, eat rice, read, and then go to bed :) Standard.

I miss you all terribly although I’ve made lots of friends and I do feel pretty settled here. But don’t worry, none of you are being replaced :) And I’m moving into my new tiny house in June so I’ll be ready for any and all visitors! Lots of love and hugs from Panama!

The first month of getting Figgy with it

So it’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything and for that I apologize! Things have just been crazy what with moving to a new place, starting to teach, and adjusting to a new life in general. But I finally feel like I can at least somewhat express my thoughts coherently. We’ll see if they come out in Spanish or English… So I moved to El Higo de San Carlos a little over a month ago now. Right before that, we had our swear in ceremony, which means we’re all officially Peace Corps volunteers now. Yay! Then we had a great few days of celebrating with our whole group staying in a big house we rented by the beach. There was lots of sun, swimming, dancing, and merriment that happened. And then real Peace Corps life started. It’s definitely taken some adjusting and every day is something new. Whether it’s figuring out how to live in weather that’s 85 plus degrees all the time (literally I get up at 5 for school and it’s already in the 80s!), living in a house full of curious Panamanians and not having a door to my room, trying to answer a million random questions about the U.S. (do you know my cousin Juan who lives in Tennessee? Are there lots of carpenters in California? What?), or explaining that I don’t eat meat for the millionth time and receiving confused blank stares, it’s all so new!  

So like a said, I living in El Higo. If you look at a map of Panama, find the canal and Panama City, go to the west of that and right before you get to the part that bumps out, I’m right there on the coast. Now you might be wondering what El Higo means in Spanish. Good question! It means the fig (aka getting figgy with it..get it?!) So when I got here my first question was naturally “are there a lot of fig trees here?”, which is probably your question too. Well sadly, they told me no. They said one time there was a fig tree, but it didn’t produce figs and then it died and they cut it down. So ya my hopes of making jam, jelly, bread, cake, pudding and any other food that has figs in it are dashed! Good thing I don’t actually like figs that much haha.

Ok let me start by explaining my host family. For the first three months in El Higo (until mid-June) I am living with a host family. The family consists of a mom, a hilarious grandma, and an 8 year girl and 11 year old boy. But, that’s just who lives in my house. In the surrounding 3 houses, some of my host mom’s sisters live (aka my aunts) and their families. So all in all it’s a pretty big group and I’m always getting introduced to someone new and never understanding exactly how they’re all related but that’s Panama! Somehow everyone is related here. Life is slow with the host family. A lot of sitting, talking, staring, and I read a lot. When I say a lot, I mean I’ve read 4 books alone in the last 4 weeks. Ya that much. It’s interesting too because instead of a door, I have a curtain. So there’s a little privacy sometimes, but my family doesn’t really understand that when the curtain is closed, it means I’m probably busy. So I’ve had more than a few awkward moments of getting walked in by an aunt, cousin, grandma, or sibling while I’m changing. Oh the joys of living with host families! But they’re all very nice and include me in everything. We’ve gone to the beach a few times, I’ve gone hiking in a nearby area called El Valle with one of my cousins and her university class, and to Panama City to explore with another cousin.

Ok now let me explain my typical day here. It starts at the wonderful hour of 5 am. Then I take my shower and although it’s already 80 something degrees the water always surprises me with how cold it is. Then it’s breakfast of something fried which I smother in hot sauce. After that I walk to school because it starts at 7 am. The walk takes about 20 minutes and on the way it’s downhill which is nice. The way back is another story. I am greeted at school every morning by a chorus of “Sydney, teacher Sydney” for a few minutes because the kids love saying my name. It usually comes out as either “Sidnee”, “Signey”, “Siggy”, or “Cindy” but it’s cute to hear them all shouting my name and hugging me at once. During school, I am working with 3 different English teachers and my current schedule is one week with each teacher. For the first 3 months, I’m only observing and then I will be both teaching and co-planning with each teacher. So right now, I do a lot of sitting and watching the teachers teach or helping them with pronunciation. The teaching style is definitely different than the U.S. Many of the English teachers in Panama only went to language school and learned English in University, but they were never trained in teaching. This can be frustrating both for them and for me because they don’t know what they’re doing and it’s hard to watch this happen in the classroom. But that’s why I’m here, both to work with the teachers and improve their English and teaching skills, and to work with the students. And a lot can happen in 2 years, so I have faith! :) When school gets out at 12ish, I walk home, which at that point in the day is way hotter and way uphill. But my reward is a nice lunch of some kind of rice and something fried. Haha. Then I get to relax for a while. I usually sit on my bed with my fan pointed directly at me because it’s like 90-100 degrees at this point in the day and I read. That’s why I’ve read so many books! From the hours of 2-5, a lot of people don’t go outside much because it’s just too hot, so I don’t feel so bad relaxing in my house. After that, I try to go “pasear” (visit people’s houses) and get to know more people in the community. Dinner is outside with the family and the neighbors slash family members usually stop by and we all sit and talk for a while. After that I talk on the phone with one of my friends. I made a schedule so that every night of the week I get to talk to someone because as most of you know I like to and need to talk to people. And since I don’t get English all day, it’s nice to get to talk and not have to think so much about what I want to say. Then, at the late hour of 9, I go to bed. What a different life I have than my U.S. life, that’s for sure!

The weekends always vary but every Saturday I try to “pasear” more. I found this loop in my town that takes me further up the hill I live on into the hills and then loops back around on a neighboring hill. So I go all the way around and visit for 4 to 5 hours every Saturday. It’s a nice walk that by my best estimation is about 7 miles so with the heat, needless to say I’m pretty sweaty and gross. It’s a great conversation starter because people always yell from their porches at me “are you crazy?! What are you doing walking around right now?!” which gives me the opportunity to go sit with them and explain that, yes I am crazy, I’m the crazy gringa they probably heard about that lives here. They love this and I get a laugh every time.

Other than that, life is just going along. I have my moments of “what the heck am I doing?! Why am I here?!” but that’s always followed up with a reminder of why I’m here and it doesn’t help that most times it involves getting a hug from a tiny little Panamanian child :) Loneliness is bound to happen, but that’s why I have such a wonderful support group of friends both here in Panama that can totally relate to what I’m feeling and back home who are constantly offering love and encouragement. If you have read all of this, good job because it was so long! I really appreciate your support and even reading this is supporting me because honestly I wrote this more for myself than anyone else (sorry that’s selfish but getting my thoughts out really helps!). I would love to hear from you all! Really I have a lot of free time right now, so although I only have internet about twice a month, you can call me if you want to waste all your money :) my phone number is +507 6006 7415. Miss you all and think of you constantly! Lots of love and besos!