The Final Countdown

Well clearly writing lots of blog posts is not my forte. It seems like whenever I write one I think, ok so I should write another one soon so 5 months won’t go before I write the next one…Oops, it has been 5 months since my last one! Sorry everyone.

Anyway, a quick recap of the last few months:

May and June were honestly really hard months for me. I got 3 bacterial infections at once (2 caused the other one) and the doctors couldn’t figure out what it was. I was barely able to walk and had to cancel a bunch of my activities as well as not run the half marathon for which I was training. It was a time of lots of frustration, confusion and meltdowns, but luckily I have wonderful family and friends in the States and in Panama who took care of me and showed me so much love. The one good thing that happened during this time was that I was elected as treasurer of the Gender and Diversity directive (GAD) for Peace Corps/Panama. We do a lot of work with women and children to empower them including camps and seminars for junior high and high school students on how to reach their goals, how to be a leader, and sexual health and domestic violence and nutrition seminars for women.

Then end of July to beginning of August I went home for the first time since coming to Panama. I got to be at my grandma’s 90^th birthday with 30+ family members for my dad’s side of the family. I also saw a bunch of family and friends in Santa Barbara, went to the beach, ate lots of Mexican food, and got to ride my bike. Then my parents, sister, and I took a road trip to Utah for my cousin’s wedding, another event with lots of family, this time from my mom’s side. We had so much fun since we rented 2 houses near each other and reunited as a huge family for the first time in like 5 years! The main takeaway I had from this trip is that the U.S. is overwhelming and going to definitely be an adjustment when I get back, but also that family and friends are invaluable and I really need them in my life.

At the end of August, I had my birthday including 5 cakes! First all the kids who love to play at my house got me a cake and we had a party. Then, the teachers at school got me a cake and threw me a party. I also made a cake in a dutch oven and celebrated with my neighbors (basically my family in Panama). Then the 5^th graders threw me a “surprise” party. I say “surprise” in quotes because almost every single one of them told me they were going to have a party for me but to not tell anyone that they told me and to act surprised. Lastly, my boyfriend Austin surprised me for my birthday the next weekend. And he actually did surprise me. He rented a car, picked up some of our friends and took me to a town 6 hours away called Boquete. The rest of my friends were waiting for me. I had NO idea it was coming and I was so surprised when I saw all my friends I literally fell on the ground. It was embarrassing. And that leads us to now.

Well, I have almost exactly 6 months of service left. Wow. How did I get here? Now is the time when the panic is setting in. I keep having moments of “I’m not doing enough” or “I should be doing more.” And no matter how many times people tell me “Sydney, you’re doing so much for your town. Stop worrying!” I can’t stop from worrying. I feel that that’s one thing about who I am that at least for me is a good thing. It motivates me to never settle. To never feel like I should stop trying because there will always be more to do. Although I may be only one drop in the bucket, without that drop it would be a little less empty. So, until I leave Panama I’m going to keep filling that bucket with my drop of love, peace, and smiles. Hay que echar pa’lante as they say here. There are a few things that I’m most proud of since coming to Panama.

One of them is the relationships I have built with the kids in my town. As one volunteer said after beginning at my house for a weekend, “you’re literally like a foster mom of all the kids in your town. They get yelled at and ignored at their houses, so they come to your house to be a kid, play, and be loved.” Although I would definitely not say that they don’t get loved at home, I really have been blessed to have kids come to my house all the time. Although sometimes it’s so crowded with kids drawing or playing Uno that I can’t walk or even think, I love being the place the kids go when they want to be loved. Since most of the families have 12 or so kids, they are often just one in the bunch and coming to my house is their escape to play. Although they probably get annoyed with me always asking them what they want to do when they grow up and that they should continue to study so that they can get there (and not get pregnant in the process!), I like to think that in some small way I am helping to prepare them for the future and make them the smart, caring adults I envision them all being.

Another thing I’m proud of is my work with the Gender and Diversity directive. As I mentioned early I am the treasurer, and although accounting is not my passion, working with the committee is. Just last week, I helped at a Sports Camp where we gave informational presentations to high school students on nutrition, health, reaching their goals and going to university, and HIV/AIDS in the morning and played sports in the afternoon. I absolutely love doing these camps because I get to use my energy and craziness to impact the youth of Panama. I’ve done a few of these camps now (a general GAD camp, a dance camp, and now the sports camp), and whenever I see a student “getting it” or changing over the course of the week and makes me feel like my time in Panama is not being spent in vain. We are also planning multiple events in the month of November for World AIDS day on December 1^st. This will end with a huge flash mob in the bus terminal of Panama City on December 1^st. I could not be more excited.

The other thing I’m proud of here is the library I’m creating. When I got to El Higo, the school had a “library” but the only books in there were textbooks from the government. The literacy rate is really low and kids hardly ever read because they don’t have access to books. So, I applied a received a grant from the U.S. government to buy books and create a library. This hasn’t been easy considering I’m still waiting on books I order 5 months ago, but it’s so rewarding to see kids get excited about the idea of leaving. This library will far outlast my time in Panama and I hope that it will change the lack of reading in El Higo.

So for now, although I will never change the world on my own and never feel like I’m doing enough to make a difference, I will never stop trying J

I'm Gonna Make This House Your Home

Well, I’ve officially been in Panama for 15 and a half months. When I think about that, I wonder to myself, “how did this happen? The time has flown by!” But then I think about how many sweaty days or pouring rain days I have tromped to school to teach and I realize, “oh wait ya now I remember…it has been a long time!” My friend, Lindsey, recently introduced me to a song called “Home” by Philip Philips (poor guy! His parents had a terrible sense of humor!). If you’ve never heard this song, it a beautiful folky song and the lyrics say “trouble it can always be found, if you get lost you can always be found. Just know you’re not alone. I’m gonna make this house your home.” I’ve been listening to it a lot in the past few months thinking about what defines “home” for me. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that although I’m in a foreign land surrounded by foreign people speaking a foreign language, I am home. I have my parents here (not to replace the irreplaceable Wendy and Carter of course!) but my neighbors, Rosa and Moyo, care for me and treat me as if I was their own daughter. I am always at their house, they call me their hija mia, Moyo help me with everything from building a shower to putting up curtains, and Rosa feeds me like crazy just like every good Latina mama does. Then there are all my aunts and uncles. Every parents and teacher in the school who worries about me, brings me gives of mangos and bananas, asks me for the thousandth time why I walk so much and if it snows where I live in the States, and just truly shows me love. And of course if you don’t know yet, Panama has changed me. Since arriving, I now have over 200 children! Yes, every one of my students is like a daughter or son to me. I worry about them, spend extra time helping them with their English work, get upset with them, and laugh and act silly with them. Overall, I definitely have my weird but wonderful family here.

I also feel at home because of the work I’m doing. Although I still have days of thinking “what the !@#$%^ am I doing here?!” they have gotten less frequent and I feel more at ease. I am teaching English Monday through Thursday and since it’s year 2 in the school I feel a lot more comfortable in the classroom and I love getting to do fun dynamic activities with the students. My latest endeavor in the classroom is having my 6^th grade students write letters in “English” to my dad’s class in the States. When I say English I use this term very loosely. Let me share a short excerpt from one letter and I quote: “I like the snow to skate in she to find inspiration for to ballet dance.” If anyone can figure out what this means please let me know! J But that has been super fun to see how excited the kids are to actually try to apply their English to a context outside of tests and games in class. Outside of school, on Fridays I teach an exercise class for the mothers and women in my community as well as an English reading class for the first graders. Both of these classes bring me great joy. I am teaching two things I love, exercise and reading to a group of people who don’t do much of either. Another thing that is difficult but I’m excited for the end result, is that I received a grant to start an English/Spanish library at my school. I’m currently in the process of getting these books from different NGOs in the States and man it’s a lot of work, but it will be worth it in the end! The only book most students have in their house is a Bible, so giving them access to fun picture books in English and Spanish and helping them to read (I have some 6^th graders that still can’t read!) will make all the paperwork and logistics work worth it. The last thing I’m doing is more of an Environmental project than English, but I can’t wait to see it begin. We are starting a recycling project in my school! Most of the trash in my town is burnt because there’s no trash collection system, but about a half hour down the road is a recycling center where we can take the recycled materials from my school, so I thought why not! I’m going to teach lessons on what is recyclable and what is not, why recycling is important, and how this system works. Hopefully the kids will get excited (I mean whichever class wins gets a popcorn party which is a huge treat here!) and all of us will have to suffer less toxic smoke from all the trash and recycling that gets burnt. Something that I get great joy from in my own house is a fruit dehydrator a friend, Chelsea, and I made. I am now drying mangos and apples all the time! Guess this hot sun in Panama is good for something other than making me sweat!

The last reason why I feel like Panama has changed from “house” to “home” is because of my Peace Corps family. I feel so incredibly blessed to have many wonderful close friendships with volunteers here. I don’t know what I would do without them. I have laughed and cried and had crazy experiences with them and I know that some of these friendships will last a lifetime. Our latest adventure was going to the beach for our one year in Panama party. This included lots of surfing and beaching, and of course as every good party should have, a talent show in which a group of us choreographed a dance and rapped the song “Look at me now.” This is a rap song in which they talk super fast, and if I do say so myself, it was quite impressive.

So I encourage each of you wherever you are to think about what makes where you live not just a house but a home. Is it your job? Your family? Your friends? Take time to think about this and be grateful for all the incredible blessing around you. I know that I’ve sure been trying!

Love you and miss you all! I’d love to hear why you find your house so home-y so please email me or post a comment here J

The Morgans take over Panama...or Panama takes over the Morgans

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year family and friends!
This is just a little update to let you know about the wonderful visit I had from my parents and sister over the holidays. I hadn't seen them in almost a year, which is the longest I've ever gone without seeing them so it was pretty crazy to see them. I ran like a crazy person through the airport when I saw both my sister (she came 4 days later) and when I got my parents. People probably thought I was crazy, but whatever I just wanted to hug them. Since I'm a "diplomat" (ya not a big deal, ya know just pretty important and this country couldn't run without me) I get to pick people up directly from the gate, so it was pretty sweet to act like I was a big deal and meet my parents and sisters at their gate when they were getting off the plane. The 4 days I had with my sister, we mostly hung out in my town with my people, went caroling with the kids in town trying to learn the words to Christmas songs in Spanish, built a rancho (small house with palm fronds on top) for the nativity scene, went to my beach, and Kelly learned how to make tamales from my neighbor. Then, we went to Panama City to pick up my parents. The first night my parents were there we all stayed in my house, which is literally one room with a kitchen, bed, living room combined into one. But, if you're thinking of visiting me, it's a great size and very luxurious! You pretty much feel like you're staying in the fanciest Hilton ever, minus...well everything fancy about it. It was fun to have all of us in one house and be altogether after 11 and a half months apart. All night (and the rest of the trip pretty much) my mom kept saying how much she liked the weather and how it was so warm and my dad kept saying that it was way too hot The next day we picked up Austin from a nearby town and then my friend Kimber for her community and went to a beach house we rented in Las Lajas, Chiriqui. That house was sick! The house was complete with its very own not helpful and not really doing anything native housekeeper! (Long story.) The next few days were filled with games, beach, hanging out at the house, Christmas presents, watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and lots of cooking and laughing. It was great for my family to get to meet some of the people I'm closest to in Peace Corps and we had a lot of fun. We also spent one day hiking in the mountains and trying to take self-timer family pictures by putting the camera on rocks and fences and whatever else we could find. It was pretty funny and I almost fell more than once running over to try to get in the picture in time (go figure!). Then we went back to my community and spent the next few days meeting all my friends. It was crazy going from house to house and we didn't get to go to everyone I wanted to, but it was a start. Maybe when they come back next year we can finish meeting all the people...yes mom and dad and shameless just announced that you're coming back next year, so now you have to :) I think my favorite part was watching Kelly interact with one of the 4 year olds who lives near me. He's the cutest thing and while we were hanging out with his aunt, he took Kelly to meet his parents and told her he wanted her to stay forever. As we were leaving their house he yelled after her, "Portate bien, Kelly!" which means "behave yourself," which is what all of the adults tell the little kids. We also got to visit my neighbors' family in a nearby town and go swimming in a river. My neighbors are like my Panamanian parents, so it was crazy to watch my two lives come together and see my parents interacting with my Panamanian family. After this, it was off to Panama City for one night (part of which we spent returning our rental car for about 2 hours and me yelling about how I hate Panama...not true but heat of the moment, you know how it is). Then, we got picked up at 5:30 am to go to a group of islands in the Caribbean side of Panama. This place looks like a real-life version of a computer background. It was so beautiful and relaxing! If any of you want to come to visit I will take you there. That's a promise. We basically just hung out on the beach there for 4 days meeting the other guests on the island (we were one of about 15 people staying in huts on this tiny island), went snorkling and saw incredible bright fish...like the ones you see in the dentist's office but actually for real out in the ocean!, read a lot, and ate lots of rice with coconut for just about every meal (the native people who own and run the island make all the meals, so of course it was very Panamanian with lots of rice). This was the best visit I could have had, and although it was a different Christmas and New Years than any I've ever had, it was better than I imagined. When my parents got here, they kept saying "now this is the only trip we'll make to Panama while you're here, Sydney." As the trip went on they started saying, "so hypothetically if we came to Panama next year..." and by the end of the trip they were saying, "hopefully we can come back next year..." So see you next year mama, daddy, and Kelly! :)
Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Years and no matter how or where you spent it, remember the most important thing isn't where you are but who you're with. Here we go 2013! Bring it on...it can't be as crazy as 2012!