Well clearly
writing lots of blog posts is not my forte. It seems like whenever I write one
I think, ok so I should write another one soon so 5 months won’t go before I
write the next one…Oops, it has been 5 months since my last one! Sorry
everyone.
Anyway, a quick
recap of the last few months:
May and June
were honestly really hard months for me. I got 3 bacterial infections at once
(2 caused the other one) and the doctors couldn’t figure out what it was. I was
barely able to walk and had to cancel a bunch of my activities as well as not
run the half marathon for which I was training. It was a time of lots of
frustration, confusion and meltdowns, but luckily I have wonderful family and
friends in the States and in Panama who took care of me and showed me so much
love. The one good thing that happened during this time was that I was elected
as treasurer of the Gender and Diversity directive (GAD) for Peace
Corps/Panama. We do a lot of work with women and children to empower them
including camps and seminars for junior high and high school students on how to
reach their goals, how to be a leader, and sexual health and domestic violence
and nutrition seminars for women.
Then end of July
to beginning of August I went home for the first time since coming to Panama. I
got to be at my grandma’s 90th birthday with 30+ family members for
my dad’s side of the family. I also saw a bunch of family and friends in Santa
Barbara, went to the beach, ate lots of Mexican food, and got to ride my bike.
Then my parents, sister, and I took a road trip to Utah for my cousin’s
wedding, another event with lots of family, this time from my mom’s side. We
had so much fun since we rented 2 houses near each other and reunited as a huge
family for the first time in like 5 years! The main takeaway I had from this
trip is that the U.S. is overwhelming and going to definitely be an adjustment
when I get back, but also that family and friends are invaluable and I really
need them in my life.
At the end of
August, I had my birthday including 5 cakes! First all the kids who love to
play at my house got me a cake and we had a party. Then, the teachers at school
got me a cake and threw me a party. I also made a cake in a dutch oven and
celebrated with my neighbors (basically my family in Panama). Then the 5th
graders threw me a “surprise” party. I say “surprise” in quotes because almost
every single one of them told me they were going to have a party for me but to
not tell anyone that they told me and to act surprised. Lastly, my boyfriend Austin
surprised me for my birthday the next weekend. And he actually did surprise me.
He rented a car, picked up some of our friends and took me to a town 6 hours
away called Boquete. The rest of my friends were waiting for me. I had NO idea
it was coming and I was so surprised when I saw all my friends I literally fell
on the ground. It was embarrassing. And that leads us to now.
Well, I have
almost exactly 6 months of service left. Wow. How did I get here? Now is the
time when the panic is setting in. I keep having moments of “I’m not doing
enough” or “I should be doing more.” And no matter how many times people tell
me “Sydney, you’re doing so much for your town. Stop worrying!” I can’t stop
from worrying. I feel that that’s one thing about who I am that at least for me
is a good thing. It motivates me to never settle. To never feel like I should
stop trying because there will always be more to do. Although I may be only one
drop in the bucket, without that drop it would be a little less empty. So,
until I leave Panama I’m going to keep filling that bucket with my drop of
love, peace, and smiles. Hay que echar pa’lante as they say here. There are a
few things that I’m most proud of since coming to Panama.
One of them is
the relationships I have built with the kids in my town. As one volunteer said
after beginning at my house for a weekend, “you’re literally like a foster mom
of all the kids in your town. They get yelled at and ignored at their houses,
so they come to your house to be a kid, play, and be loved.” Although I would
definitely not say that they don’t get loved at home, I really have been
blessed to have kids come to my house all the time. Although sometimes it’s so
crowded with kids drawing or playing Uno that I can’t walk or even think, I
love being the place the kids go when they want to be loved. Since most of the
families have 12 or so kids, they are often just one in the bunch and coming to
my house is their escape to play. Although they probably get annoyed with me
always asking them what they want to do when they grow up and that they should
continue to study so that they can get there (and not get pregnant in the
process!), I like to think that in some small way I am helping to prepare them
for the future and make them the smart, caring adults I envision them all
being.
Another thing
I’m proud of is my work with the Gender and Diversity directive. As I mentioned
early I am the treasurer, and although accounting is not my passion, working
with the committee is. Just last week, I helped at a Sports Camp where we gave
informational presentations to high school students on nutrition, health,
reaching their goals and going to university, and HIV/AIDS in the morning and
played sports in the afternoon. I absolutely love doing these camps because I get
to use my energy and craziness to impact the youth of Panama. I’ve done a few
of these camps now (a general GAD camp, a dance camp, and now the sports camp),
and whenever I see a student “getting it” or changing over the course of the
week and makes me feel like my time in Panama is not being spent in vain. We
are also planning multiple events in the month of November for World AIDS day
on December 1st. This will end with a huge flash mob in the bus
terminal of Panama City on December 1st. I could not be more
excited.
The other thing
I’m proud of here is the library I’m creating. When I got to El Higo, the
school had a “library” but the only books in there were textbooks from the
government. The literacy rate is really low and kids hardly ever read because
they don’t have access to books. So, I applied a received a grant from the U.S.
government to buy books and create a library. This hasn’t been easy considering
I’m still waiting on books I order 5 months ago, but it’s so rewarding to see
kids get excited about the idea of leaving. This library will far outlast my
time in Panama and I hope that it will change the lack of reading in El Higo.
So for now,
although I will never change the world on my own and never feel like I’m doing
enough to make a difference, I will never stop trying J
